Sample text
ACT ONE
Scene One
All is covered in white. Cello plays. Biting and sharp. Small animal runs on with card that proclaims: 'PART ONE INSIDE'. Petra enters. In a white gown, strapped to a wheelchair, mouth covered with white tape, being pushed by two nurses who smile sickeningly false smiles. Electrical wires hang from Petra's head. Petra stares blankly ahead. The nurses release Petra from her bindings and leave. Seconds pass before Petra looks slowly around her. Seconds more before she rises slowly. She looks at the audience; scans them slowly. Turns her back to them, lifts her gown and looks underneath. Looks over her shoulder and smiles. Walks to all that is covered in white, and lifts the white sheets. Revealed beneath the sheets are various objects, coloured brightly and not typically. The first sheet raised will reveal a nurse with no face playing the cello. And another will reveal a barred window with dark sky and sparkling stars. When all is revealed, Petra raises her white gown over her head. Beneath she wears street clothes. Music softens, Petra faces the audience. Takes wires from her head.
P: My name is Petra. Thanks for coming. I didn't expect anyone to come. I forgot to post the invitations. All the drugs they give you in here; makes you forgetful. But you're all here and that's the main thing.
(Petra sighs, looks down and up, scans the audience.)
Are my parents here? My mum and my dad? I don't see them. They're always busy like, I didn't think they would come. They're always busy like, with work and (embarrassed pause) looking after Hector, making sure he gets everything he wants. He's a good kid; not like me, eh? I didn't think they would come, so don't worry about it. Look, stop looking at me as if I care about it (agitated) I don't care! Look! See all this! I made it all up just for you. Look! And I had this terrible feeling that nobody would come. I forgot to post the invitations. It's the drugs they give you in here; makes you forgetful.
(A most bizarre little animal waddles on to the stage. Petra watches it from the corner of her eye, until it wanders off stage.)
But I'm glad you all came.
(Petra looks around again for parents.)
Maybe Dr. Dyre has told you why I'm here. No, he wouldn't, would he? Dr. Dyre is my friend. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I'd be able to survive in this place. He keeps me together, just when I think I can't take it anymore.
(A second little creature bounces on, points at Petra, turns its pointed finger on the side of its head, and runs off. Petra looks sad at the ground, sits down on the floor and holds her head in her hands. The first creature waddles on again, puts its arm around Petra, cuddles her, shakes her and points to the audience. Petra looks and nods, and stands up.)
Dr. Dyre! Dr. Dyre! Dr. Dyre! Please come! Help me, please! Please!
(Dr. Dyre enters. a Harpo Marx lookalike. Blasting a hand held horn. Smiling and laughing silently and falling over. Blasting the horn as he falls and laughing even harder. Petra leads Dr. Dyre to a seat in the audience, makes him sit down.)
Thank you all for coming. Thank you too, Dr. Dyre. It means a lot to me that you all want to know about me and want to try and understand me. I want to understand too, you know. And my parents will come too ... when you all go home and tell them about me, how I ... I wasn't really to blame ... I just lost control, that's all. And Hector will come. Yes, he will. And he'll be welcome, Hector. And we'll probably sit down where you're sitting out there and we'll have good fun together. And when I'm better, Hector will come get me and take me home. And he won't be scared of me anymore. He'll come take me home, maybe for Christmas. Lordy, I'll need to get him a present. (Thoughtful pause. Nods.) Mmmm ... Oh, sorry, thank you all for coming. Obviously you got the invitations. Did you like them? I made them myself.
(Dr. Dyre honks his horn and feigns sleep, snoring loudly.)
Sorry ... this ... all this here behind me, is a dream that came to me last week and I wanted to show it to you all. And my parents. But they're busy people. If you see them, you tell them --
(honk)
Yes, sorry, thanks for coming. I don't suppose ... William came either, did he. He's my boyfriend. Of sorts. I haven't seen him for a while. I think maybe ... maybe he's too embarrassed to come; worried about what his friends will think. But he probably thinks about me every day! He's dying to come see me! You know ... sometimes I forget what he looks like ... isn't that a bit ... but anyway ... I just wanted to show you all my dream. This dream I had last week. I've been thinking about it all this time and I just wanted you to see it. You all must think I'm crazy.
(A laugh trails away. Petra looks sadly at the floor. Raises her eyes sharply as slick, shiny suited, Gameshow Presenter, Jimmy Tory strides on to the stage, followed by an extremely sexy furry animal, holding up a board that says, 'APPLAUSE!' and another that says 'CHEER AND WHISTLE!' No doubt the audience will do so.)
JT: You're too kind! You're too kind! Thank you, you're too kind! What a wonderful audience! (He silences them) Thank you ladies and gentlemen. And welcome to tonight's edition of 'Ask a Stupid Question!'
('APPLAUSE!')
And have we got a great show for you tonight? You bet we have!
(Petra walks over to Jimmy Tory. Furry animal eyes her up and down, rather critically.)
P: You're not on.
JT:(sneers) I beg your pardon.
P: You'll need to come back later. I'm on tonight. Please go away! You'll spoil everything!
JT: I'm on every week at this time.
P: Not this week you're not.
JT: Yes, I am. Why shouldn't I be?
P: Didn't they tell you? The snooker's been running late. You're not on for another hour or so. So please get off. Quick.
(Jimmy Tory and his assistant dejectedly walk off, the assistant holds up a 'BOO AND HISS' board as he goes.)
P: It was the night they put me on the open ward, when they thought I was getting better. There's a window on the open ward, barred of course but still a window. When everyone was asleep, and troubled snores and moans flew through the air like bats and the only light was from the guards office down the hall, I sneaked out of bed and crawled to the window.
(Another small and weird animal lopes on to the stage and to the window. It holds the bars and looks out.)
It was the first time I'd seen the sky in ages, and the stars sparkled like frost on the ground and a planet was glowing; just for me it seemed. And, you know, everything felt good. (pause) It felt so good that I started crying, the first time I'd cried in many years and through my tears everything sparkled more. And I tried to keep crying, because when I looked back into the ward, everything was sparkling.
(The animal at the window simulates someone crying.)
All the beds and the lumps of humanity within sparkled. And the strange girl in the bed beside me, who spent her days trying to eat the bedclothes, sparkled, her white hair radiating in the darkness. And when Mary, who goes around thinking she's Margaret Thatcher screamed, I saw a myriad of stars above her bed.
(The little animal races away from the window and jumps on Petra's back. Petra screams and the animal races away.)
I ... I lay down on my bed, on the soft pillow, and thought about the sparkling stars, and for the first time since I was a young child, a young child maybe on Christmas morning, I felt peaceful and safe, and I felt the whole wide world was a warm blanket waiting to comfort me; and then I fell asleep and I dreamed. And I want to show you it all.
(As Petra ponders, enter Maggie and Maisie and Molly. Stereotypical old wifies.)
Maggie: What time's Ask a Stupid Question on, Molly?
Molly: Should be on by now, Maggie.
Maisie: I always sit down at this time to watch it; strange it's not on.
Maggie: It'll probably be that snooker running late again.
(A chorus of, 'Aye that'll be it'.)
Molly (dreamily): I like Jimmy Tory.
Maisie: Aye, so do I. I think he's a nice man.
Maggie: He is, Maisie, he is. He does a lot for charity too.
Molly: Aye, he does Maggie, and he was on 'Songs of Praise' one night. Sang, 'The Lord's My Shepherd', in Croatian. It was lovely so it was. And they had a film of all these children that had been bombed in a hospital. It was moving so it was. And there were tears in his eyes. I was near cryin' myself.
Maisie: He doesn't look sixty-five either.
Maggie: They say he's going to marry Janine too. And she's only seventeen.
Molly: Who's Janine?
Maisie: Och, Molly, pay attention ... the young thing on the show with him.
Molly: Never! She's only seventeen! (Getting distracted by Petra.) She'll not be short of a few bob now, then. (Nods over at Petra.) What's wrong with her?
Maisie: Who?
Molly: Her over there.
Maggie: That's that Petra ... whats-her-name ... Lives down the road from the guy with the headless dog.
Molly: Her that went bananas?
Maisie: Aye, her. (vehemently) Nutcase!
Molly: Young people nowadays. If you went bananas in our day, a good clip around the ear with a black puddin' soon sorted ye out.
Maggie: Aye? (surprised)
Maisie: Aye? (surprised)
Molly: Aye. Did it not happen to you?
Maggie and Maisie: No. (Scene fades on 'no's and 'no?'s.) |
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